My age is my late 40s. I only realized recently how important the inside is. I could have saved a lot of money, time, and energy if I had known this 10 years ago. As a result of them, I should now have self-development, healthy self-esteem, and strong stamina. Please don’t live the same life as me, as I will tell you about my failure.
As a child, I was raised in a family that placed a high value on appearance. The honor was important to my parents. Hence, wearing nice clothes and having a sociable attitude were virtues that had to be learned and practiced. As an adult, I was always concerned about my appearance, so I spent more money on clothes, shoes, and cosmetics than I earned. Due to the money, my parents gave me, I had trouble-free 20s and 30s.
After marriage, the problem arose. It was no longer possible for me to decorate my appearance and show off my wonderful self after having two children. Childbirth and childcare restricted my social activities, and my self-esteem gradually declined.
I had more time for myself as the children grew older. Once again, I started to decorate my look. It was time for me to start buying expensive bags and clothes. I convinced myself that I needed to invest money to look dignified.
A few days ago, my mother called me. She was crying. She is a perfect person in her friends’ eyes, so why did she cry? All at once, the resentment, regret, and hatred that were hidden in the heartbreaking memories of the past rushed in. I listened to my mother.
After hanging up, I looked back on my life with my mother. It dawned on me that no matter how pretty my appearance is and how much money I have, it’s all a lie if I don’t have peace of mind and generosity. As I listened to my mom cry, I thought my future might look like hers.
The people I met in my life made me remember things I had neglected because they were ugly and poor. They were different from me because they had a job they loved and a strong sense of self-esteem rather than their appearance. I did not recognize anyone with a real heart. My brain was filled with pictures of a luxury bag and an expensive dress because my heart was full of vanity.
My appearance still matters to me. It is important to me that others see me as a good person. But I’m getting close to 50 and I’m trying to change. It’s time for me to get rid of the dirty and ugly mind covered in luxury clothes. With a heart of resentment and hatred, now that I know that no matter how much makeup I put on, I will be empty, so I am trying to make my inner self beautiful. So I meditate every day. I meditate in order not to become a grandmother who lives in the past.
