I’m too lazy, too weak, can’t make myself do what I need to do. I recognize that I have talents, but I don’t seem to be able to develop any of them. I’m constantly distracted by other things. I hate it when other people succeed. They are better than me. More capable, braver. I feel ashamed and guilty for feeling like this. I should be better. I’m disgusting. I’m a creep. Frankly, I hate myself!
This is what has constantly been going on in my mind for as long as I can remember. I’ve been doing my best to cover it up. Protect the world from it. I’ve smiled and pretended. But it was not genuine. I’m tired of living a fake life.
My hope is that I know what I need to do. Thanks to meditation, I’ve gained the wisdom to understand that. I need to accept myself as I am. Acceptance comes when I acknowledge my negative thoughts and feelings and let them all go.
The technique is simple. I just fully admit to myself all the negativity, all the shame and guilt, all the jealousy, all the hatred I carry within. And then, I let go, and I let go, and I let go. Gradually, my mind becomes lighter. I start to sense hope within. There is a way out of this prison. There is an end to the suffering. There is joy, after all.
