True confidence arises when you make an effort to solve difficult problems and overcome them. I wasted my life running away from difficulties, but now that I recognize my habits and way of living, I’m striving to live a life where I don’t run away anymore.
Recently, I had a disagreement with my boss at work. When he pointed out my mistakes and gave me instructions, anger overwhelmed me. I decided to quit my job and was looking for an excuse to do so because I felt like all the time and effort I put into this job for five years had gone to waste. However, this inner conflict arose within me every time I faced emotional turmoil at work and tried to run away, reminding me of the pattern in my life, so I sought advice from my husband.
My husband advised me to behave like an adult and said that running away instead of solving problems when things get tough at work is immature. Although I was ashamed and angry at his words, I couldn’t deny what he said.
From then on, I started writing down my history of running away in a journal.
The incidents I wrote down were things like not being able to come home after breaking my mother’s precious vase at age 6, stealing money from my mother’s wallet and lying about it, escaping from studying for college entrance exams by reading novels and watching movies, wasting time drinking or at the movies because I couldn’t adapt to studying my major in college and choosing to get married because I didn’t want to follow my boss’s instructions at work.
The endless choices I made in my life went in the direction of being easier, more comfortable, and not requiring much effort. In this process, I made mistakes to my parents, husband, children, friends, and coworkers, and passed the responsibility onto them.
Instead of solving difficult problems, the library, movie theater, bar, and streets of Seoul that I chose became a source of guilt in my heart, and I began to hate myself and feel like a failure.
When I started writing down the path of my life in a journal, I began to find peace of mind. And now, I meditate every day, letting go of countless thoughts.
My husband’s words came to mind, “Be an adult and try to solve difficult problems.”
I took a day off and rested at home. I then had a sincere conversation with my boss, who is on my team. I honestly told him about my difficulty. After listening to my story, he worked with me to find a solution. We solved the problem together, and I felt a sense of accomplishment. From now on, I will face problems head-on instead of running away.
