I always struggled to actually start and fully commit to something when planning to get into action. There was something blocking me, and it felt like no one did experience it except for myself. Anytime I wanted to focus on what needed to be done next to start performing, my thoughts wandered off to somewhere that seemed to be way more important and pleasant than to concentrate on what actually needed to be done. Somehow repeatedly my mind tricked me into procrastinating and just idealizing the result rather than achieving the goal so that I could actually experience the end result. Now it is clear to me that I was living my life in my thoughts instead of being here in the present, in the real world.
When realizing that something was wrong and that I could not just overcome my blockage I listened to guided Meditations on YouTube, tried to follow guidance from spiritual talks and read self-help books. But there was still always some kind of barrier that kept me from doing the things I wanted to do. The more I tried to change or break it, the harder it got. I still did not know how to overcome it. I listened hard, read with understanding and diligently tried to follow everything.
To give an example, in one of the self-help books it said, ‘kick the things away with your but’. I tried to wrap my head around this. In my mind I was doing this how it said, but the things relentlessly kept coming back. Another example is from a spiritual talk, it said to ‘just stop’. It seemed really reasonable to me, but the attempt to just stop my mind was too much and it finally made everything boil over even more. Then I was not being able to do anything anymore. I was feeling and realizing that I just created more blockages and couldn’t do whatever I wanted to do. Now I know that I tried to figure it out in my mind. But there was no exact way out of that blockage, out of that mind in that I was stuck. My thoughts were still keeping me from being right here, in this present moment.
After giving up completely and just living my life as good as I can, doing what seemed to me being a reasonable thing, I came across a place where it said we are living in our own mind world instead of living in this world. As I heard this, it made perfect sense to me. At this place there is even a step-by-step method that following is easier than toothbrushing. When I started this, I could quickly confirm that I came across a lot of hang ups and blockages because there were these thoughts, coming from the pictures in my mind. The pictures that I was taking of the world and that I kept holding on to. With the method it was easy to become free of these pictures and as well the thoughts that arise from them.
I recognised that the plans and the outcomes in my mind were so convincing and seemed perfectly fine and reasonable, it did not matter if they were positive or negative, they just caught my attention, because they are an almost perfect copy of the world overlapping the real situations. I could clearly see that just outliving everything in my mind and living inside of these plans and results within my thoughts was blocking me from truly living. I could not live right here in this world as it is. I always needed to be prepared and cautious, instead of trusting the process and surrendering to what happens. But now, naturally by doing, by starting anything, it is done with all my previous knowledge and experience without even thinking about it. Just letting it happen and stepping into action and actually performing, differs a lot from looking at possible ways and results from inside my mind.
After being able to reflect this, seeing what is blocking me and letting go of all my plans and constructs in my mind, I am living in this moment and not within my thoughts anymore. I am truly grateful that I was so lucky to come across this chance. Now I am finally able to go with the flow and surrender to any task that is coming.
I also would like to share this video with you:
