All throughout my schooling years, there was 2 things I was renowned for – one was my intelligence, and the other was my emotional instability. As the years went by, I found myself being consumed by my uncontrollable emotions and wild mood swings, to the point where I couldn’t study and felt like I’d lost all control.
I was very childish. Friends got sick of me, my ex-wife left me, and people just gave up on me because I was such a drain of energy. Even now that stubborn, little boy who just wants everything his way still creeps his ugly head up.
One of the most profound things I learnt through self-reflection meditation was how everything was my fault. I used to be such a victim, blaming the world, and blaming people who bullied me in my teenage years and people who abandoned me. But when I realised TRULY everything was my fault, and that my self and my mind actually created the condition as the cause, which would follow with the effect that I attracted those people and circumstances into my life, it really changed my mindset completely.
I learnt how to detach myself slowly but surely from those deep emotions. But they’re not completely gone. I recently received feedback from someone I really love, and she told me she really adored me, but quite often found it very difficult to approach me when she could see I was angry or upset. And I knew that’s what she would say. That’s what anyone would say. I REEK of emotional instability.
I have big goals and big dreams. But to be successful, you need to have a nice personality and a virtuous character. And these days, high EQ is one of the most valued characteristics and it’s become even more important than IQ.
So that’s what I’m committing myself to. I’m going to change that one thing which is holding me back the most – my emotional instability.
It’s no longer OK to lash out at people I love when I feel negative!
It’s no longer OK to be completely lazy when I don’t feel like it!
It’s no longer OK to binge eat when I feel depressed!
It’s no longer OK to blame the world when I feel things aren’t going my way!
I’m going to continue to learn, to meditate, to reflect, and observe the behaviours I don’t want to portray. I’m going to keep reflecting in my journal, I’m going to discard the negative habits, and I’m going to keep trying to change, minute by minute, day by day, week by week, year by year. I don’t want to be a slave to my emotions; I don’t want to lose my self in the storm. Today, I’m even going to start an Instagram, to put myself out there and keep myself accountable and keep trying to be my True Self I have only caught glimpses of.
